Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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