I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
