We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
