I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Say something about gay babies.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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