i just google imaged poop.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
