You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
