literally had 100 drinks last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
