I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
