My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
