I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
