it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
