Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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