i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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