She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
