i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
