before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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