my phone needs a breathalizer
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
