It's Friday. Sex?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
