I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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