so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
