Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
