I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
