Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
