Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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