1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
