You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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