I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
