i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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