I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
