I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
