She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
