I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
