I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
