I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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