um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
