He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
