Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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