You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
