soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
