You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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