Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
