So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
