Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
