What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
