A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
