So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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