Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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