i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
