Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
