Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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