the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
