You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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