Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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