I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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