just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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