i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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