Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
