in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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