i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
